Vell greetings and Halucinations dear demented friends, fans, amateur lunatics;

As relentless ass life iss we all love it do we not? Iss it not zee precious gift? Maybe. Maybe not. If you think that life is not za great gift, zen people vill think you are crazy.

Maybe you are, maybe not! But wait a minute. If you have been reading zese columns now for some time, you vill have perceived zat I think all of you are crazy. Me too!

Craziness is pretty popular, possibly too popular. If you are completely sane you are ze minority group. Thinking you are sane could mean zat you are crazy. But what if you are really sane? How boring is zat? As ve near ze end of za year many of you vill likely find yourselves at za boring office parties or parties of friends to celebrate za Yuletide madness. You know how ziss goes. Zere you are left alone in a room of strangers and vile getting a drink to anaesthetize yourself against ziss scene of contrived glee, und you find yourself falling into conversation with za stranger. It can go like ziss: "Hi, I’m Bob Loblaw, I am Zelda’s friend." "Oh Zelda, yes,I’m Zorin Yadda-yadda from accounting, how are you?" "I am fine. Thank you." "Oh, I’m fine too. Thanks." Ze pause zat follows now seems to stretch for ever as each celebrant seeks to follow some unknown thread in order to perpetuate zis budding conversation. Each person after a very long pause is now trying to think of a polite way to say goodbye. Or vorse, one of za persons desperately seeks za conversation and tries lamely to keep up some kind of flow of vords. Each variation is of course so boring zat it can cause you to not even read any farther past ziss most boring paragraph.

Let us suppose zen, zat Bob is crazy. "Hi there, I’m ZorinYadda-yadda,. How are you?" "Oh I’m Bob, I am currently formulating a theory that suggests that the I-Mouth saucer people of the fourth dimension are stealing our keys and ballpoint pens in order to subjugate us by keeping us from entering our dwellings and signing cheques." "Hell Bob, that’s pretty far out. No wonder I keep losing my keys." Look how interesting things have become! No harm iss done by ziss craziness unless of course Bob is also a serial killer.

So you see, not only is everyone probably crazy, iff zey are not, zey are probably insufferable bores. I, of course, come into za picture iff za craziness is causing functional difficulties by attracting Police or Ambulances. Luckily for me, no one is coming into my office because he or she is a bore. For ziss is no treatment. Even zat fraud in Berne who calls himself by my name can not treat za bore. Zere is no drug vich can make you interesting. Ha. Book a visit to my office and I vill supply you viss dozens of interesting remarks collected from my long years of psychoanalysis. Zese remarks can set you into really svell conversations and also qvickly drive away tedious people who just vant to talk about how lovely zere children are.

So. If you are crazy, and remember, you probably are, it’s okay, even interesting. If you don’t think so, you need treatment, and zat is where I come in again. You come to see me, and I vill straighten out your twists and make you believe zat life is za great gift. Whether it really iss or not iss precisely beside za point.

Sit in my waiting room and you vill know zat a carrot, or a stick, is waiting for you!

Don’t delay, come today, and go away, with a brand new perspective.

You’re welcome!

Dr.Dag is in.