Hello Hugo Pogotini:

Many people ask me: Dr. Halfredt how can I tell if my brain iss vorking? Zis iss qvite a good qvestion actually, and I vill now give an answer. Brains are very useful. Ve use zem for all kinds of stuff. Zey are not good at self-diagnostics however, and zometimes only a professional like me can help. But if das brain iss broken, maybe it thinks it iss okay by miztake. If you only knew how many famous and powerful people are making ze big decisions like this!

Zo. If you get your teeth checked vhy not your brain? Vhat is more important, a nice smile and chewing your food or THINKING? Lots of brains can operate just fine viss some problems. But taking ze chance iss not smart. Thinking exercise can help of course, zome people get their mental exercise by jumping to conclusions. Ha ha. Hint of brain problems iss easy to spot. Lots of fears, lots of hatreds, creating huge out of sight complications which involve people you cannot see, tables and chairs talking to you - these are ze easy hints. Small hints iss where it gets tricky, brushing your teeth with skin moisturizer, forgetting your keys inside your car, forgetting what you were saying in ze middle of a sentence, waking up with strangers in your bed, these are little hints that all iss not vorking qvite correctly as it iss supposed to.

Hiring a private brain care specialist iss like defragmenting your hard drive, it iss like a reboot of ze brain. I personally like to use heavy hobnailed boots on my patients, this gives them ze encouragement to vant to get vell. Othervise zey like to hang around vorrying in my face about all kinds of stupid stuff. Viss all ze problems happening in brains it iss important to know zat maybe a President iss in ze waiting room, or Prime Minister or Queen or even a Dentist. My secret iss time effective conversation and a bit of threatening behavior. Ze carrot and stick approach vorks very vell. Feed ze patient a carrot and zen hit zem on ze head vith ze stick. Zis often helps clarify a lot of stuff immediately like a "discscan".

But hey, vhy give avay professional secrets vhen I can get some of your money? Make an appointment and I vill give you a professional opinion in lay-persons terms, not messy psycho-babble. Remember everyone iss a little bit messed up, vhat you need to know iss: how much? and: can I function as a mental cripple? or what? Zo call or vrite for an appointment today. If you have a favorite stick, bring it along, ve supply free carrots! I hate to answer qvestions by mail because dat does not make me any money. But maybe a few zimple ones would not hurt... Okay just a couple.... meantime remember, if your brain iss not vorking, zoon you might not be vorking, then you cannot afford to visit me. Then you are really kaput.

Your old friend, Dr. Dag Halfredt

Remember: if you are becoming crazy be coming to me!