Greetings lost and formless masses:

Zis time ve vill indulch in a little zelf diagnosis. Many people think zhey might be nutty but are not zure if they zhould rizk treatment. Zome of dhem think it vill go avay. Zome think if zhey meet exactly za vright person, it vill be a new vorld. Zome know zhey are nutty but are just too busy to zeek za help. Let us evaluate with generalizations. Do you like mushrooms? Vell, it is well known zhat people who like mushrooms are potentially unstable. Didn’t know that did you? Are you fascinated by your lawn? You are in deep trouble. Zeek help immediately. Do you push za elevator button twice vhen you are in a hurry? Clearly you feel that the elevator is a sentient being who vill hurry for you. Seek help right away. Are you a zingle person with a shaved head and a pet monkey? Call me right away. Do you talk and shout at other drivers when you are in your car? Ziss is not normal, zey cannot hear you. Zeek help. Do you like television? Think about it for a minute. You are in trouble to spend your too short life vatching announcements about vacuum cleaners with dual cyclonic action and talk shows mitt arguments and actual footage of surgical procedures and police arrests.

For television addicts, the stick is not enough, I recommend electroshock therapy. Sure, dis iss a common problem. But funseekers, there is no zafety in numbers! So now you see why I chose ziss profession.

Most people are messed up unt those who are not have simply not been correctly diagnosed. Now zat you know you need help, book an appointment with me, but not in Berne Switzerland please. The psychiatrist practising there under my name might be me, and since I live in North America now, it could cause some confusion.

Take care of your pain - take care of your brain!

Dr. Dag Halfredt

Brain care for the masses with short violent classes.